Seven Qualities of an Awesome Stepmom: Wisdom for being a stepmom

7 Qualities of an Awesome Stepmom: Wisdom for being a stepmom

You may be wondering, What qualifies a dad to write a post for stepmoms? The answer is simple. God led me to someone incredible! Jenny is an awesome stepmom, mom, foster mom, and wife, all rolled into one! I know what makes a stepmom great because I see my wife in action every day.

  • Are you a stepmom looking for a husband’s perspective on what makes a stepmom great?
  • Perhaps you are in search of stepmom helps or advice on being a stepmom?
  • Are you a single dad who wants to know what qualities to look for in a future wife and stepmom for your kids?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you are in the right place. Keep reading, because this post is for you!

7 Qualities of an Awesome Stepmom

1) An Awesome stepmom is up for a challenge.

According to The Blended Family, “70%+ of remarriages involving children end in dissolution within 5 1/2 years.” Step-parenting is not easy, and stepmothers face especially unique challenges. From Cinderella to Snow White, fairy tales are famous for their evil stepmother roles. Fortunately, Jenny is tough. She is has come to terms with the fact that no matter how amazing she is, she will never be loved by all. Sadly, it’s vogue to bash stepmothers. I love that Jenny is up for the challenge, and manages everything thrown at her with dignity and grace.

Being a stepmom is never easy. If you decided you were up for the challenge and dove wholeheartedly into your new step-parenting role, then you just might be an awesome stepmom!

2) An awesome step-mommy loves all of her children deeply.

This year our family was tight on funds. We were not sure how we were going to get our family of five, to her sister’s wedding. Then, Jenny came up with a creative and extraordinarily generous solution. She cashed in a small retirement savings early. While this wasn’t the most financially sound decision our family has ever made, there was no way that Jenny was going to leave any of her children behind. To Jenny, all of the children in our family are her kids. The only difference is that we share two of them with another family. Jenny loves all of her kids deeply. In my book, this makes her a truly awesome catch!

My stepmom loves me! Do your stepchildren think this often and believe this in their hearts? If so, then you just may be an awesome stepmom!

3) An awesome stepmom adds a feminine touch.

Before I married Jenny, the girls and I did our fair share of daddy things. We ate oversize cookies. I took the girls to church in what could have been their pajamas (I thought it was a cute dress, but Jenny pointed out to me that it might actually be a nightgown). We ate with our elbows on the table, and the girls wore their princess costumes everywhere–yes, everywhere! Today, with Jenny’s coaching, our daughters are growing up to be well mannered and ladylike. With a little practice, our family has learned to sit down and eat a meal together–something I rarely did as a single dad. The girls know how to fix their hair, and always look incredibly cute for school. Jenny has added so much to our family that I never could have accomplished on my own.

Are you able to provide stepmom support at the home? In other words, are you doing for your stepchildren the things that us dads just can’t do? If so, then you just may be an awesome stepmom!

4) An awesome stepmom loves to have fun.

I love how Jenny goes out of her way to connect with her stepdaughters. Last week, our family celebrated the completion of the first book in the Harry Potter series, by watching the movie. We added to the excitement by giving each girl a pack of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans. Jenny was willing to try the gross flavors, including rotten-egg and earwax. Jenny scrunched her face and gagged them down. The girls giggled and giggled. Awesome stepmoms are willing to step out of their comfort zone because they love watching their kids smile.

This year, Jenny helped the girls save their allowance so they could buy unlimited ride wristbands when we visited the Mall of America. She is continually on the lookout for new crafts and activities for the kids. Watching Jenny have fun with all three of our girls always brightens my day!

Are you able to have stepmom fun? Can you laugh, joke, and step out of your comfort zone to make your stepchildren smile. If you said “Yes!” then you might be an awesome stepmom!

5) An awesome stepmom knows how to unwind.

Life in a stepfamily feels overwhelming at times. Jenny knows how to take a break to recharge. Why is this so important? Because, as it turns out, dads also need time to recharge. Jenny and I have become experts at tag-teaming. We have often wondered what would happen if both of us felt overloaded at once. The good news is this hasn’t happened yet. Because Jenny takes time to recharge, when I’m stressed, Jenny is ready, willing, and able to step in. Yes, I am truly blessed!

Are you working on being a stepmom who can relax and unwind? Do you practice healthy self-care so you can provide stepmom support when your family needs you most? If so, then you may be an awesome stepmom!

6) An awesome stepmom teams-up with dad.

The most frequently asked step-parenting question I get is, “Who should do the disciplining?” Jenny answers this question better than I do. She says, “The parents of the home should decide how the discipline is done, together.” When a time-out is needed in our home (which is not very often) either Jenny or I will give it. Problems are managed in the moment. Then, our family moves on. Jenny and I will discuss incidents that took place after the girls have gone to bed. We learn from each other as we explore our girl’s changing needs.

An awesome stepmom teams-up with her husband. And of course,  an awesome dad strives to team up with his wife too. Good teamwork is the result of two people choosing to negotiate, problem-solve, and work together. Jenny and I have discovered that the best way to start is by asking good questions and getting curious about each other’s inner worlds. We define intimacy as into-me-see. And an awesome stepmom strives to peer into her loved one’s inner worlds! 

Are you and your husband working together? Would others describe you as being on the same team? Do you provide stepmom help when he needs it most? And trust me, us guys need it! If you are providing that added stepmom support, then you are likely well on your way to being an awesome stepmom!

7)  An awesome stepmom is patient with her family.

Research suggests that successful family blending takes longer than most families think. The happiest stepfamilies are like a slow-cooker. Through a process of low heat and plenty of time, all of the ingredients eventually blend. On the other hand, the more family members are pushed to blend, the harder they push back. Positive changes happen best with time and patience. I am grateful that Jenny is patient with me and patient with our girls. As a result, our already good blended family life continues to grow even better!

Are you stepping into your role of being stepmom slowly? If you are patiently connecting with your kids, allowing them to move at their own pace, then you may just be an awesome stepmom!

Being a Stepmom

Being a stepmom is an enormous role. You have some massive shoes to fill. Here is what I know as a dad in a stepfamily home. Our family is truly blessed!

Awesome Stepmoms:

  1. Decide that being a stepmom is for them and joyfully choose this new role.
  2. Love their stepchildren in such a way that their kids know, My stepmom loves me! And they believe this deep within their hearts.
  3. Provide stepmom support by doing those feminine tasks that dads just can’t do.
  4. Go out of their way to create stepmom fun and bond with their stepkids.
  5. Strive to be a stepmom who can relax and unwind so she can tend to the needs of others.
  6. Team up with dad by providing stepmom support when he needs it most (and trust me, all dads do).
  7. Are patient with their family. They are willing to step into their new role of stepmom slowly.

If these seven qualities describe you, then you are probably already and awesome stepmom. Keep up the good work!

Being a stepmom is an important calling and the world needs more stepmoms like you!

Just know these seven qualities may not prevent you from receiving the title of “evil stepmother.” Some people just don’t know awesomeness when they see it. The good news is that these stepmom qualities lay the foundation for an incredible blended family life! Take it from this stepfamily dad. I know what I’m talking about because my wife (who just so happens to be a stepmom herself), is awesome!

Free Bonus Content: Receive a free copy of Jenny’s story: Unmet Expectationswith your subscription to our free, weekly newsletter. In this brief article, Jenny describes the highs and lows of transitioning from a single adult, into her new role as a stepmom to two, energetic girls. You can download your free, PDF copy here: Jenny’s story: Unmet Expectations.

Continue the Conversation

This awesome stepmom list is by no means complete. So let’s continue to conversation on being a stepmom in the comments below. Here are some additional questions for reflection and discussion.

  • If you were raised in a blended family home, what did your step-parents get right?
  • While reading this post, what step parenting ideas resonated with you?
  • What are the most important things you’ve learned about being a stepmom so far?
  • What qualities of an awesome stepmom do you already possess? This is important to know so that you can build on your amazing strengths.
  • What qualities of an awesome stepmom would you add to this list?

As a husband to an incredible wife, mom, stepmom, and foster mom, I’m a firm believer that we don’t celebrate stepmoms enough. Let’s get rid of the evil stepmom stereotype by celebrating all of the amazing stepmoms!

Jed Jurchenko

Jed Jurchenko is the husband to an incredible wife, daddy to four amazing girls, and a foster dad to one more. He's served as a children's pastor, marriage and family therapist, psychology professor, award-winning writing coach, and life coach. Jed is the author of 23 books on relationships, parenting, writing, and doing life well. In his free time, you'll find Jed reading, preparing for an upcoming marathon, barbecuing, paddle boarding, and enjoying life with his incredible family. Find out more about Jed's books, coaching, and courses at www.ithrive320.com.

2 thoughts on “7 Qualities of an Awesome Stepmom: Wisdom for being a stepmom”

  1. First, Kudos to you, Jenny!

    What a nice tribute to both her and other stepmoms (and dads). In the end, we each CHOOSE to be a parent. There are those who have children naturally by … well … the age-old means … and yet who still do not CHOOSE to be a parent. They withdraw, ignore, abuse or leave altogether. And then there are those who do NOT have children by the usual means, who choose with all their heart to be a loving, attentive, committed parent. Having observed all of these within my own family and among my siblings, I truly believe that being a parent is not about genetics. Whether genetics is involved or not, it still comes down to a CHOICE to engage, to invest and to love.

    1. Hey Erik! So very true. Being a good parent, or step-parent, involves making a choice. It’s a role that requires intentionalality and effort. What a great addition to the list!

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