Feeding love by developing thriving love habits is the key to a thriving relationship. Just ask Jon Beaty.
When Jon’s wife told him “I’m homesick. I want to go home,” on their honeymoon, his heart sank. Jon had dreams of being everything his wife needed. This led to the couple from thoughts of living happily ever after, to struggling to connect.
Over time, Jon and his wife rediscovered hope. They saw there were practical things they could do to make their marriage work. And eventually they began practicing thriving love habits. Today, Jon’s mission is to help couples transform their marriages from struggling for survival to thriving. Jon and his wife Tami have celebrated over 30 years of marriage and are the parents of two thriving children.
Jon is a licensed, clinical social worker. He is a coach, counselor, blogger, and speaker. Jon has been published by Fox News, The Gottman Relationship Blog, Lifezette, and The Good Men Project. He has also published the book If You’re Not Growing, You’re Dying: 7 Habits for Thriving in Your Faith, Relationships, and Work.
I had the opportunity to interview Jon during our Thriving at Home Summit. The two of us dove deep into strateggies for developing thriving love habits. Here are some of my favorite takeaways from our conversation.
Exiting Survival Mode
- When things are bad, the first step is recognizing we are stuck. The good news is things don’t have to stay the way they are.
- No matter how amazing your spouse is, or how amazing you are, the two of you don’t have the ability to fill all of each other’s needs. Letting go of these expectations is a good first step to exiting survival mode.
- Another good step is to get outside support. This might be from a therapist, pastor, or coach. Because we can’t see our own blind-spots, seeking ouside help is huge.
- Also, keep in mind that a thriving relationship is a growing process. So don’t expect things to change right away.
Moving from Surviving to Thriving with Love Habits
- Human beings are hardwired to be selfish, survive, and get their needs met. But these strategies don’t work so well in marriage.
- This is why we need to infuse the power of God into our relationship. To truly thrive, we need that connection to God. We can only get so far by white-knuckling it on our own.
- To have a thriving marriage, feed love. The best way to do this is to begin each day by choosing love and asking God to fill you with love. This is the first and most important thing to do.
- Then, find ways to infuse love in your bond. Even small love habits, like not taking the biggest piece of pie, can make a big difference.
- Pushing our agenda aside, being curious, and available to listen is another powerful love habit.
- In our survival mode, we are looking for survival and connection for ourselves. In our loving mode, we are looking for survival and connection for the people around us.
Fostering the Love Habit of Curiosity
- One of the easiest ways to give status to someone else is to let them know we appreciate them.
- Getting curious involves wanting to see the world for the other person’s perspective. We often think everyone sees the world in the same way, which simply isn’t true. This is why it’s important to ask good questions. Ask,
- “What are you thinking?
- “Tell me about your dreams?”
- “What do you really want?”
- And “Do you have a number one priority today?”
More Simple Love Habits
- Grab a Bible and allow God to speak love into you.
- Take care of your health and manage your own stress. It’s easier to be a kind, loving person when our brain and body are working well.
- Attitudes are contagious and when we are energized, it puts us in a place where we can energize our spouse.
- The bottom line is that to have a thriving marriage, remember to feed love!
Diving Deeper into Love Habits
I appreciate Jon’s passion for helping couples feed love and develop positive love habits.
If you’d like to dive deeper, you may want to grab the all-access pass to our Thriving at Home Summit.
For more great insights from the summit, be sure to check out the following posts:
- Designing Your Dream Marriage: How to create your best relationship!
- Everyone’s Got Bears: Taming anxiety, depression, and fatigue.
- The Problem with Being Nice: Be kind. Be good. But please don’t be nice!
Continuing the Conversation
Jenny and I would love to dive deeper and continue the conversation in the comments below. Let us know:
- What was your biggest takeaway from Jon’s insights?
- What love habits have you already integrated into your marriage?
- How, will you create new love habits
- What other thoughts or ideas would you add?
We can’t wait to hear from you!