say i love you

Say, “I Love You,” with 51 Creative, Love Bank Fillers!

Recently, I wrote a post entitled, Relationship Advice for a Happy Life. It’s all about filling our spouse’s love bank. If you missed this article, you may want to take a moment to check it out. While the previous post provide an overview of the love bank idea, this post focuses on simply ways to communicate “I love you,” though words and actions.

Fifty-one creative ways to say, “I love you.”

  1. Say, “I love you,” daily.
  2. Smile. It’s one of the easiest way to communicate, “I like having you around.”
  3. Greet your spouse with a kiss first thing in the morning.
  4. Hug your spouse every time one of you returns from work.
  5. Hold hands–often.
  6. Open the door for her.
  7. Dine by candlelight.
  8. Let your spouse pick the movie.
  9. When your spouse says, “I love you,” respond with, “I love you back.”
  10. Buy your spouse a small gift such as:
    1. A favorite candy.
    2. A single rose.
    3. A cup of coffee.
  11. Write a love note by hand. Put it on his or her pillow.
  12. Mail a funny, “I love you” card. Yes, you can still do this when the two of you life in the same home.
  13. Text your spouse simply to say that you are thinking of  her.
  14. If your spouse is focused on his smart-phone, send an “I love you,” text while you are both in the same room.
  15. Call your spouse to let him know he is missed.
  16. Skype, simply to to say, “I love you.”
  17. Send an e-card.
  18. Cook your spouse’s favorite meal.say I love you
  19. Attend church together.
  20. Play a board game. Here are three of our favorites:
    1. Yikerz – A competitive game with magnets, that will have you jumping and keep you on your toes. It’s a favorite, coffee shop, date night, activity of Jenny and I.
    2. Rory’s Story Cube – An imaginative, non-competitive game, that will get you talking.
    3. Pentago CE Game from Mindtwister USA travel version – It’s Connect Four, with a twist. It’s another coffee shop favorite.
  21. Do an inspirational devotional in the morning. Take turns reading. Jenny and especially like: Your Best Life Begins Each Morning: Devotions to Start Every Day of the Year.
  22. End your day with a couples devotional. Here are two classics:
    1. Night Light: A Devotional for Couples
    2. The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (The One Year Signature Series)
  23. Bring brownies, or another favorite treat, to your spouse’s work on his birthday.
  24. Go through a couple’s book of questions, such as:
    1. 365 Questions For Couples – Jenny and I went though this book together while we were dating. We have some awesome memories of these times together.
    2. 101 Conversation Starters for Couples (101 Conversations Starters) – Another great date-night resource.
  25. Volunteer together at a:
    1. Church nursery or Sunday school.
    2. Local soup kitchen.
    3. Holiday event such as Angel Tree or a kids trunk-or-treat night.
  26. Take lots of pictures together. Post them on Facebook and tag your partner for yearly reminders of the great time you had as a couple. Jenny and I love getting regular updates with the Facebook, timeline updates.
  27. Create a photo album of your favorite moments using Shutterfly. You can work on this project together, or surprise your spouse with the gift.
  28. Do one of your spouses chores for him. Be sure to leave a love-note on the complete project. Here are some ideas to get you started:
    1. Wash the dishes.
    2. Take out the trash.
    3. Sweep the floors.
    4. Wash the laundry.
  29. Cook a meal together.
  30. Give a back-rub.
  31. Laugh at each other’s jokes.
  32. Take a walk together.say i love you
  33. Listen–I mean really listen–when she talks about her day.
  34. Gaze into each other’s eyes.
  35. Pause to enjoy the sunset.
  36. Bake a cake and celebrate her un-birthday (think Alice in Wonderland), just to show her how special she is.
  37. Watch a children’s movie together. Big Hero 6, is a new, family favorite.
  38. Attend a couples retreat at church.
  39. Go hiking.
  40. Ask your spouse to teach you an activity or hobby he or she does well.
  41. Notice the little things like:
    1. When he gets the oil changed in the car.
    2. When she gets her hair or nails done.
    3. When a room gets clean.

And always say, “thank you,” or make a kind comment.

  1. Play an online game together. I’ve listed two favorites below. Both can be downloaded free on your smartphone.
    1. Words with friends
    2. Spaceteam – A family favorite and even better on a double-date. The ridiculous words, and crazy teamwork, are great for laughs and happy memories.
  2. Read a personal-growth book together. Great books for couples include:
    1. How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage – An awesome book for bringing couples with different attachment styles together.
    2. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage – The book where I first came across the idea of the love bank.
    3. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts – A must read for couples serious about filling each other’s love banks. Knowing your spouses love language will help you communicate, “I love you,” in a way that is meaningful to your spouse.
  3. Go camping.
  4. Take a road trip.
  5. Commit to finding the good in each other. Point our your spouses positives often.
  6. Start a garden together.
  7. Take dance lessons. Jenny and I did this together shortly before getting married. It was incredibly fun. And this is coming from a guy who doesn’t dace.
  8. Take your spouse in a double-date with close friends, or with couple who has just started to date.
  9. Work together to write a guest-post for this blog. Then share what you have been learning about keeping your relationship strong, with the world! For guest-post guidelines, e-mail me at jed@coffeeshopconversations.com 🙂
    [Tweet “Happy couples communicate their love often. Frequent, small acts of love, make a big difference.”]

I would love to hear from you. What simple ways of saying, “I love you,” would you add to this list? Have any of these fifty-one ideas worked well for you? I look forward to continuing our conversation in the comments below!

Jed Jurchenko

Jed Jurchenko is the husband to an incredible wife, daddy to four amazing girls, and a foster dad to one more. He's served as a children's pastor, marriage and family therapist, psychology professor, award-winning writing coach, and life coach. Jed is the author of 23 books on relationships, parenting, writing, and doing life well. In his free time, you'll find Jed reading, preparing for an upcoming marathon, barbecuing, paddle boarding, and enjoying life with his incredible family. Find out more about Jed's books, coaching, and courses at www.ithrive320.com.

12 thoughts on “Say, “I Love You,” with 51 Creative, Love Bank Fillers!”

  1. These are all great ideas and something we all benefit from but as life gets busy we tend to forget to share in that exchange or expression of love so I find this to be a good reminder that we all need those words or expressions of affirmation and love on a daily basis. These are fun and creative ideas that I think every spouse would respond positively to. Thanks for sharing Jed.

  2. Great list, Jed. I checked off a couple this morning and added a couple new ideas for today. Relationships require care. They’re like puppies – full of happiness and joy with a little food, water, and attention. FYI – sorry I don’t comment more. Disqus doesn’t talk easily with WP.

    1. Hey Diana,
      Thanks for stopping by. I love the analogy. It’s so true, just like a puppy, relationships require TLC.

      Thanks for the feedback about Disqus too. I’ve have mixed feelings about it, and if it’s not playing nice with others, then I need to start looking for a better option 🙂

      1. Most of the time, Jed, I can’t get at link to your site at all. I really had to work at it yesterday and just ended up googling you. Then I had to set up an account with Disqus before I could comment. I was determined! But I imagine some readers won’t bother with all those steps.

        1. Thanks Diana,
          I sure appreciate your determination, and feedback. I’ve deactivated Disqus. Your comments reminded me of my own challenges with the plug-in. Earlier this week, I attempted to comment on another site. There was already a lengthy discussion in progress, which appeared to have bogged Disqus down. The comments section wouldn’t load and I never had the opportunity to thank the author for her awesome insights.

          I’d rather make it easy for everyone to join in the conversion 🙂 Now, to figure out how to make it easier to link to my site. Thanks again for the excellent feedback!

  3. I think the first one – simply saying, “I love you” – though most obvious is still hardest for some people.

    I’m a big fan of snail mail as a gesture of “I love you.” It means more now than ever before, since digital methods are so much easier. Postal mail shows time and thought.

    1. Great insights Erik. There really is something special about getting a hand-written card or letter in the mail. My two, older girls, still jump up and down every time they receive mail from their grandparents and aunts.

  4. Hey Jed,

    This is a great list. One you mentioned that we use a lot is texting with emoticons. We enjoy flirting by text when we’re away from each other, and sometimes while at home.

    1. I love it! And “Keep flirting” would make a great #52 on the list. It’s definitely something that needs to carry over from dating, and continue throughout the marriage.

  5. I love every one of these. Especially #23 and 24. My husband is not a man of many words. But when he does share, he has much to give. Sometimes we have used those conversation starters to get conversations moving. I’m the talker in the relationship. I would love for you to share this on my new linkup party that began today. Going on till Monday evening. This is perfect timing for Valentine’s Day.

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