keep love strong

How to Keep Love Strong All Year Long

Today, I’m thrilled to post our second live episode of Coffee Shop Conversations! My friends Etienne, Chatiela and I, are having a blast hanging out over coffee–and Mt Dew–enjoying each other’s company, and sharing about how we are growing our faith, practicing family leadership, and keeping our friendships strong. In this post Valentines Day episode, we dive into specific strategies to keep love strong, all year long.

How to Keep Love Strong

Initially, the three of us had planned to record this episode as a Valentines Day special. However, I woke up sick, and the show was postponed. The bright side is that this gave us the opportunity to explore simple strategies for keeping love strong.

Valentines Day is for celebrating love with grandiose gestures of affection. It’s a day for flowers, chocolates, heart-balloons, and fancy dinners. Love is worth celebrating, and setting aside one day a year for extraordinary festivities, is certainly warranted.

However, the down-side is that sometimes we–myself included– forget to make a big deal about love the other 364 days of the year. Valentines Day was never meant to be our primary day of love. [Tweet “Valentines Day is not a one time event, but a celebration of the loved shared throughout the year.”] Start preparing for your next Valentines Day celebration today, by making simple acts of love a routine habit in your home.

Simple Acts of Love

Love is patient…

  • Love is closing that pesky drawer that your spouse leaves open–The one that you’ve banged your knee against… The one that you’ve asked her to keep closed a hundred times. Love is refusing to pick a fight, deciding not to nag, and simply closing the drawer yourself… Yes, love is patient
  • Love is listening to your spouse attentively as she shares a favorite story… again. It’s not letter her know that you’ve heard this story before. It’s choosing to smile and laugh anyway. Love is patiently choosing to share in your spouse’s joy and she relives her favorite moments.

Love is kind…

  • Love is greeting your spouse with a smile and a hug. It’s non-verbally telling him that he is a very important person in your world–every single day of the year.
  • Love is putting your day on pause, and attentively listening to what she has to say. Love is being kind, again and again.

Patent and kind are the two words that 1 Corinthians 13, uses to define love. [Tweet “Simple acts of kindness, done day after day, are what keeps love strong.”]

Filling our Spouses Love-Bank

You and I have a love-bank. Every interaction with our significant other results in either a love-deposit or a love-withdrawal. In strong relationships, partners make regular deposits into each other’s love-banks. [Tweet “Small, frequent deposits of patience, kindness, attention, and friendship add up quickly.”]

Of course, love withdrawals happen too. They simple can’t be avoided. Unintended slights happen all of the time. As long as apologies are quick, and love deposits are regularly made, these minor withdraws rarely result in any long-term harm. So how do we keep the love deposits going, minimize withdrawals, and keep the love going 24/7? This is what the three of us dive into, in this episode!

What simple acts of love do you use to make regular deposits into your spouses love-bank? What love deposits keep your own love-bank filled? What would you add to this ongoing conversation on how to keep love strong? We look forward to continuing the conversation in the comments below. 

  • Be Happier Now: The Ultimate Checklist for a Happier, Healthier, More Spiritual You!It’s impossible to make regular deposits into the love-bank of our spouse and family, when we are running on empty ourselves. Happy people are able to give out of their own abundance. Fill yourself up, so that you can refresh those you love. You’ll find ten quick ideas to jump-start your own happiness, with my new e-booklet. It’s my gift to you, as a way of saying thank you for stopping by each week!
  • 51 Creative Love-Bank Fillers – This post contains 51 simple ideas to help your keep love strong.
  • His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage – This incredible book by Willard Harley, is where I first heard about the love-bank. It’s an excellent resource for couples who long to keep love strong, by making frequent love-bank deposits!

If you have additional love-bank filling tools that you would add to this list, please feel free to share them in the comments below. I’m always on the lookout for new resources and ideas!

P.S. You can find more excellent episodes by my gracious hosts at In the Author’s Corner!

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Jed Jurchenko

Jed Jurchenko is the husband to an incredible wife, daddy to four amazing girls, and a foster dad to one more. He's served as a children's pastor, marriage and family therapist, psychology professor, award-winning writing coach, and life coach. Jed is the author of 23 books on relationships, parenting, writing, and doing life well. In his free time, you'll find Jed reading, preparing for an upcoming marathon, barbecuing, paddle boarding, and enjoying life with his incredible family. Find out more about Jed's books, coaching, and courses at www.ithrive320.com.

19 thoughts on “How to Keep Love Strong All Year Long”

    1. Hey Kara,

      I agree, Valentines Day has become showy and commercialized. However, I’d still never pass up an opportunity to go out on a date with Jenny 🙂

      Thanks for dropping by and joining in the discussion!

  1. I think this post is much-needed, Jed, since our love does need to be demonstrated all throughout the year and not just as we are prompted on Valentines Day. I also really love the way you’ve fleshed out what love looks like based upon 1 Cor. 13. I often give my clients a prayer template that is based upon that love chapter and ask them to customize how they want God to help them to show these acts and attitudes of love to their mates. So often, we don’t stop to think about what love looks like in these practical and obvious terms. Thanks for being a champion today of better, more godly marriages, my friend!

  2. I found that once I figured out what my own love language was it made it so much easier to pour into my hubby. Ours are completely different so how I show him Love and how he shows me love aren’t the same. It took me awhile to figure that out and a lot of prayer too. For me I show him love with acts of service…I get up with him at 6:00 and help him get out the door with a hot cup of coffee in his hand. Plus those early morning kisses are the best!

  3. I like making deposits to my husbands love bank by telling spending time with him. That at physical touch are his love languages. I like quality time and holding hands. He fills my love tank by surprising me with date nights (movies, dinner). I give him my complete and undivided attention by not looking at my phone, checking my email or responding to comments right away. He really appreciates that. I appreciate getting blessed with his love. Thank you for the reminder to love all year long. 🙂 Have a blessed week.

  4. These were such relatable examples on how to love our spouse in simple, small ways – that speak loudly. I was convicted on some of them (especially the stories one lol!!). Thank you for sharing your heart on such important topics!!

  5. I laughed at the part about closing drawers! My husband’s family is notorious about not closing drawers, doors, jars, etc! Ugh. Hehe. I just close it without telling them to do so anymore, because it doesn’t stick.

  6. Hey Jed!

    I so appreciate this post on keeping love strong. You’ve shared several solid points on how I can demonstrate love to my husband by showing patience and kindness. You didn’t just point out the scriptures, you used solid examples. And you know what – thanks for that! I saw my self in several of your examples – and not in a good way.

    And the love bank deposit and withdrawals? Oh, so good!

    Thanks so much for sharing, my brother. You hit a very simple home run with this one.

    Blessings,
    Tiffiney

  7. Gary Chapman’s work on identifying and speaking love languages has been helpful to me. My wife’s top love language is quality time. After we put the kids to bed is our best opportunity to spend time together, so I make a point of making that time available for her each evening.

  8. Hi Jed, I like your post Valentine reflections with the spin on keeping love strong with small little intentional acts.
    I like the idea of filling our spouses love banks it is important.
    Thank you for your suggestions as usual

  9. This is a great post! I especially love this line, under Love is Patient…”Love is closing that pesky drawer that your spouse leaves open–The one that you’ve banged your knee against… The one that you’ve asked her to keep closed a hundred times.”. I like to leave cabinet doors open on purpose because it irritates my husband and I think it’s hilarious! But at least I don’t nag… 😉

  10. This is such a hard day for so many people. It should not just be a one day of love kind of thing, like you said. Love should be shown to the people we care about multiple times a day, everyday. Thanks for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday and thanks for sharing about your book. Hope to see you all link up again this week 🙂

  11. What a great post! I agree with what you said about love being patient i.e. not nagging, not mentioning something that bothers you. This really spoke to me as I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut sometimes about little stuff. Pinning! Linking up with you at #socialbutterflysundays 🙂

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