Is your life a drama-free zone? If so, then you know how peaceful life can be. A drama-free life is a life of calm and rest. It means minding your own business and avoiding the black-hole of other people’s problems. Of course, this doesn’t happen all of the time, but in the drama-free life, it’s the general norm.
On the other hand, have you ever notice some people attract chaos like a garbage man collects trash. If you’d like to know how to surround yourself with a protective, drama-free bubble, then keep reading. This post is your guide to a drama-free life!
Now Entering the Drama-Free Zone
Drama kings and queens are everywhere. These men and women thrive in chaos. And there is a reason for this. Drama has many secondary gains.
- Drama provides high-energy excitement.
- Living in drama brings active engagement.
- Finally, drama is an interesting topic for conversation.
Although drama can be painful, drama kings and queens may view drama as a positive in their life (even if they are unaware of this). Some people view drama as:
- Better than being bored.
- Better than being ignored.
In short, drama is how some people meet their need for connection and excitement.
Finding a Better, Drama-Free Way
Because drama meets a genuine need, you can be certain that there are plenty of people out there who would love to draw you into their overly dramatic world. Fortunately, there is only one thing needed to make your life a drama-free zone.
But before diving into the details of this drama eliminating tool, let’s first define what drama is. As a therapist, I love the word “drama.” I use it to describe the multitude of little actions that lead up to a major blowout. Before an outbreak of intense tantrums, major arguments, and physical fights, there is almost always a steady buildup of drama. Statements indicating drama buildup include:
- “My mom yelled at me, so I yelled back.” That’s drama
- “The new girl in class looked at me funny, so I stared at her.” Another great example of drama buildup.
- “My daughter wouldn’t eat hear peas, so I told her she couldn’t leave the table until she finished.” Three hours later, mom and daughter are still deadlocked in a power struggle. Yep, that is drama!
If you are ill-prepared, drama will sneak up on you and suck you into the chaos in an instant. The good news is that it only takes one thing to make your life a drama-free zone.
Your Guide to a Drama-Free Life
Want to know how to live a drama-free life? The secret is easy. Simply become disinterested in the chaos. I know, it almost sounds too easy to be true. Nevertheless, it really is that simple. Those with drama-filled lives are attracted to chaos.
- If a fight breaks out, they will stop to watch.
- When there is gossip at the office, a drama king or queen is sure to join in.
- If an argument is taking place, a dramatic person will find a way to get involved.
On the other hand, those with drama-free lives have taught themselves to become disinterested in chaos. During an emergency, they will get involved, only to the point that their help is needed. For example:
- Is a fight taking place? Call it in to the emergency line. Then move on.
- Perhaps a friend is hurting? Then listen with empathy. Offer advice if appropriate, and transition to a new topic.
- Is your child refusing to eat her vegetables? Set an appropriate consequence. Then move on.
But whatever you do, don’t become escalated yourself and don’t get caught up in the chaos. Showing disinterest in drama will form an invisible, drama-free bubble around your life. Like two polar-opposite magnets, drama and disinterest cannot remain together for long.
Why a post on drama-free living?
We live in a world where drama abounds. Yet, Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Similarly, in 1 Thessalonians 4:11, the Apostle Paul writes, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you.”
The Bible exhorts us to live at peace and to mind our own business. In short, Christ-followers are instructed to strive for drama-free lives. Ultimately, drama brings heartache and pain. There are far better ways for human beings to get their needs for excitement and connection met.
Although making your life a drama-free zone is as simple as becoming disinterested in the drama, I can promise you that drama will try to suck you in.
Continue the Conversation
Use the questions below for further reflection and discussion. Or, keep the conversation going in the comments below. We would love to hear from you.
- Is your life a drama-free zone, or do you find yourself getting sucked into other people’s chaos?
- Do you agree with our solution on to how to have a drama-free life? Why or why not?
- Was there a time you successfully avoided drama, and if so, how did you do it?
- What thoughts on creating a drama-free life would you add to this post?
P.S. for some additional dram-free strategies, be sure to check out the chapter entitled, Don’t Pick-up the Rope in my book, Coffee Shop Inspirations: Simple Strategies For Building Dynamic Leadership And Relationships
I saw a lot of drama when I used to work in business. Those people were pretty toxic to the work environment and could create all kinds of unhappy distractions. I saw far less drama among colleagues while working in mental heath, which probably makes sense. I will emphasize too that men can be huge drama kings. My husband works in an almost all-male industry and those macho guys are unbelievable! Someone always has a problem with someone else. In my house, I’m a two on the drama queen scale probably. I’ll mention to my husband that I need new socks and he calls me a drama queen. Then I call him a drama king for creating a drama about me saying I need socks. It’s all in fun, but I will state for the record, he’s more dramatic than I am 😀
I love it! And as much as I don’t want to admit it, it is true, us guys can be drama too–But I’ll never admit that to my wife 🙂
Diana, I didn’t know you worked in the mental health field. That’s awesome! What kind of work did you do?
I would say I actually know more guys who thrive on drama than women who do. And your reply to the dreaded Sock Accusation is brill!
I recall from your first book, Jed, the analogy to the rope – that you can’t play tug-of-war if one of the parties won’t pick up the rope. And this was my first personal connection to you that made me want to reach out, because in my own book, The Best Advice So Far, one of the chapters has similar advice: “A fire with no fuel quickly goes out.” The fact is that people who love drama don’t stick around long if you give them nothing to fuel that fire. As intense as it may seem at the moment, it’s the inside need they have and not the situation that is the issue. They’ll forget all about the situation if nothing new is added that feeds the inside need to be in the middle of the excitement. They’ll just move on.
The hardest time for me (and others, I’m sure) to remember this is when the drama centers on you, in the form of accusations, gossip, etc. But the truth is still true. Try to stamp out that fire, and you can be sure it will spread. Leave it no oxygen to breathe, and it fizzles. Whenever someone comes to me and says, “I hear so-and-so said X about you!” I usually reply with “Huh.” (Notice the period and not an exclamation point or question mark.) This is usually met with a puzzled, “Yeah, but …” to which I reply, “Hmm.” This is usually met with some dire warning (e.g., “Well, I just wouldn’t trust them!”) … and that’s the end of it.
Excellent advice Erik! You really are good at helping others avoid chaotic situation. I’ll always remember the time you saw signs of drama on my horizon, called to make sure I was OK, and took the time to brainstorm drama-avoiding strategies with me.
In fact, I very well could have added an additional, drama-avoiding, strategy into this post: Surround yourself with friends and family who will support you in being disinterested in the drama. Sure appreciate you and our friendship!
I like the reply, “Huh,” too. What a great way to disengage.
I just remembered my other response (for people closer to me who may take “Huh” as disinterest in THEM and not the drama). Here’s my response in those cases: “Before we continue, could you tell me what kind of response you were hoping I’d give to that?” This checkpoint works wonders, because it interrupts the flow and causes the other person to really thing about motives. If they continue, I’ll add, “And what were you hoping I’d do with this information? What response do you think would be appropriate for me to have?” Again, if you deliver this like a “real boy” and not a therapist, it just helps to keep putting responsibility back onto the other person; and a drama-lover isn’t counting on responsibility being part of the “fun.” The usual response I get is something like, “Nah, forget it, I just thought you’d want to know, but it’s not that important. I don’t really care about it.”
And, yes, even from a distance, we’ve managed to step in at some “right times” for one another. 🙂
These are great. Bringing attention to the fact that the conversation is moving in a dramatic direction, ignoring the drama, or checking-in regarding regarding the motives of the other person, are all great strategies. There really are a lot of ways to avoid getting sucked into the drama of others. In my experience, the key is to not feed into the negativity, and emotions.
I like how you bring up the importance of keeping things real too. There is a time where diving deep into the motives of others is appropriate and a time where a quick, “reality check,” from a friend is much better. I agree, often a warm, friendly, and informal approach, is best 🙂
My husband is King of the drama kings and my 25 year old daughter is Queen of the drama queens. I usually end up trying to calm them both down which is exhausting. Hard to ignore them especially when they place me in the middle of the drama!
Hey Gina,
So sorry to hear. Staying out of the drama can be especially difficult when family is involved. I know from personal experience, as my wife had to remind me to let things go, and move on, a good 3-4 times, earlier this week. And it has to be especially frustrating when your caught in the middle 🙁
On a positive note, thanks for dropping by and joining in the discussion 🙂 I had book-marked your site earlier this week, and I’m looking forward to checking it out!
You might get mad at me for saying so, Gina, but in being true to my mantra – “You always have a choice – no one can “place” you in the middle of drama. They can come to you with it. They can have their drama around you. But you can still refuse to engage. Remove yourself from “the middle.”
I actually had a dream about you last night, based on having read this response yesterday! In the dream, you told your husband and daughter that every time the drama flared and they came to you with it, you were going to start singing an annoying children’s song very loudly and in a strident, off-key voice. It worked in the dream. Give it whirl. ;D